At some point during my sophomore year of college, I inadvertently changed my major from English to Eating. This proved unfortunate, both for my GPA and overall health. Over the course of a cold central New York winter, I went from moderately fit to… not.

I wasn’t thrilled with the way I looked – picture a meatball with toupee – but the real issue was the way I felt. I was lethargic. A 19-year-old shouldn’t find himself reduced to a panting puddle of sweat after toting a hamper’s worth of laundry up two flights of stairs.

So I started running, infrequently at first and then with a vengeance. Within a few years, I started participating in races. In my personal pantheon of good decisions, becoming a runner ranks right up there with my choice of spouse and “yeah, I don’t think an after-hours visit to the zoo is the wisest call.”

Coming up on my (mumbles into crook of arm) year of running, those first few months remain fresh in my mind. Had Al Gore invented the internet by then, I would’ve had little problem finding smart and workable plans to execute my sloth-to-spry pivot. Instead, I learned by doing – doing badly.

Thus I feel overqualified to welcome you to #MMMMoveTogether by sharing my mistakes and what I took away from them. Here, then, are five ways not to start your #TrainingforMoveTogether.

1. By stretching the way Uncle Mal does.

A few months into my life as a runner, I visited an uncle who’d been a believer since the jogging craze hit in the late 1970s. Prior to our first run together, he made a big deal about the importance of stretching. Then he introduced me to his routine: Put one leg on the bumper of a car, remove, put the other leg on the bumper of a car, remove. I completed the regimen in six seconds, punctuating it with an “OK, let’s do this.” My hamstrings recoiled in protest three-tenths of a mile later.

Stretching matters. Here’s a good primer for the uninitiated.

2. By heading out on an empty stomach.

When I started running, I had it in my head that even a semi-full stomach would slow me down. I didn’t disavow myself of this notion until one of my first big races. Worried about potential digestive issues, I chose to power myself with a single banana and a few slurps of Gatorade along the course. This is how I ended up in a Central Park first-aid tent with no memory of how I got there.

Food gives you energy. Energy helps you run. By the transitive property, food helps you run. That’s just math. Here are some nutrition tips for runners.

3. By expecting a small mental boost to accompany the physical one.

No, the mental boost will equal if not exceed the physical one. I’m not sure how to describe it, other than to say that my brain works better on the days I run than it does on the days I skip. You will come to rely on the mental boost that arrives in the wake of your daily trot as much as you do, say, the change in channel that comes from deploying your remote control in a manner consistent with its intended use. It’s all connected.

Here’s a look at how running affects your brain chemistry. For the better.

4. By ignoring routine runner self-maintenance.

You might say to yourself, “This T-shirt is soft. There’s no way it could rip skin off my body.” But it can, friend, it can. To avoid such misery, you may well take to slathering Vaseline or some non-petroleum-based equivalent all over your body before you hit the road. You will come to accept this as normal, socially acceptable conduct, and you will be confused when the foreperson of the jury suggests otherwise.

Here are ways to deal with chafing, stomach issues and other unexpected and awful runners’ scourges.

5. By blowing off the after-party.

Just as a successful run starts with an abundance of stretching, so too does it conclude with an even more plenteously bountiful abundance of stretching. I know, I know – you just want to break a sweat and get on with your afternoon, right? Unfortunately, sometimes “feel better” can’t be achieved without full-on descent into a bathtub filled with ice. Embrace it. If you don’t, your knees will cut you out of their will.

Here are tips for successful post-run recovery.

Here’s wishing you much success in your #MMMMoveTogether training. Looking forward to exchanging virtual high-fives when we cross the finish line next month.